Quest Code Tester for Oracle 1.8.3 Now Available

Version 1.8.3 of Quest Code Tester (the most powerful automated testing tool for PL/SQL currently available, and my main obsession these days) is now available for downloading from Quest's on-line SupportLink (after being prompted to log in you will be taken directly to the download page). If you write PL/SQL code or manage a team that does so, you really owe it to yourself to check out this tool. Thirty-day free trial available at www.quest.com/code-tester-for-oracle.

I strongly urge all Code Tester users to upgrade to this version. It is, without doubt, the most stable and richly-featured release of this automated testing tool.

Of course, you would expect that it would have more features, which I detail below. How, you might ask, can I be sure to make my claim of "most stable"?

Very simple: because for 1.8.3, we finally "ate our own dog food" in a very big way and constructed an automated regression test of the backend functionality of Quest Code Tester.

You might have thought that since this is an automated testing tool, we would have done this from the very start. Yes, that would have been ideal, but so little about our lives are ideal, would you agree?

Certainly, we used Code Tester to test elements of the backend right from the beginning, but that is a different thing from building anything approaching a complete and automated regression test.

That is the most important new "feature" of 1.8.3, and we did it by creating a new utility to complement (and eventually be folded into) Code Tester, which we are calling Test Launcher. I talk more about Test Launcher in a follow-on post to this blog. We will soon be posting Test Launcher on the Code Tester community library in the Downloads and Upgrades section. You will all be able to use Test Launcher yourselves (though initially it will not be supported by Quest Support - you will need to report issues through the community).

New Features in 1.8.3

Besides fixing over 75 bugs, we added some very nice new features. The following information is also available in the release notes.

New Export/Import Architecture

Code Tester now writes export files as an XML document. It will import both the legacy ".QUT" export files as well as the new .XML formatted files. Merging is now only supported for XML exports. The new export format will be much more reliable and easier to support.

Expanded Set of "Hooks"

Code Tester now offers a greatly expanded set of hooks via the my_codetester package to customize the behavior of Code Tester at key points like before and after import, before and after running a test, etc.

Reports for Suites

All reports defined for individual test definitions are now available for suites as well.

View All Test Definitions in Test Dashboard

You can now change the schema selector to "All Schemas" so that you can see the list of all test definitions to which you have access (run and/or edit) at once, without changing the selected schema.

Use Windows Name to Track Changes to Test Definition

You can use the my_codetester package to specify to Code Tester that the "created by" and "changed by" audit columns on test definition tables be populated with the name of the Windows user, rather than the Oracle schema name returned by the USER function.

Test Package Formatting on Demand

Code Tester will no longer automatically format the generated test code (this will improve overall performance of generation). You will now need to explicit request a format and recompile in the Test Code tab of Test Editor.

Improved Support for Wider Set of Datatypes

Code Tester will now allow you to create test definitions properly for all kinds of timestamps and intervals. You can also create a test definition for an object type, though you will still need to write the actual test logic yourself.

Hurrah for Barack Obama: another step towards normalization with Cuba

How very exciting! The U.S. policy towards Cuba has been an obscenity for decades, even to the extent of supporting and allowing acts of terrorism on our own soil by so-called Gusanos (worms) against other Cubans supporting the Castro government. Normalization with Cuba would be a big step towards a new, less imperialistic era of relations between the US and Latin America.

OAS revokes 47-year-old suspension of Cuba

SAN PEDRO SULA, Honduras (CNN) -- The Organization of American States on Wednesday revoked a 1962 decision suspending Cuba from the multinational group.Patricia Rodas, the minister of foreign relations for Honduras, made the announcement at the conclusion of the two-day meeting of the 35 member nations.The United States, which led the push to suspend Cuba at the height of the Cold War, was represented at the meeting by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.U.S. officials had no immediate comment.

Force me to take a break, will you?

Two of the biggest problems we developers have are (a) we are addicted to writing software and don't want to stop, and (b) we generally think we're pretty sharp people and can solve any problem that comes our way.

Why are these problems? Because the net result is that we tend to work too hard and too long without breaks, with a resulting reduction in code quality. This dynamic is particularly obvious when it comes to fixing a bug.

I don't know about you, but when something is demonstrably wrong with my code, I feel nothing short of a compulsion to find the cause of the bug and fix it. Now. Immediately.

But, of course, most bugs are not fixed immediately. Instead, I analyze my code, I run traces, I try this, I try that. My back starts to ache. My eyes get all squinty. I thirst, I hunger, but I cannot, will not stop until I get my code running....

BAD IDEA! If you can't fix your bug quickly, say within 15 minutes, there's a really good chance you won't find it for hours - if you don't take a break. The problem is that we can get too deep inside the code and replace perspective with urgency.

A much better idea is to take a break, get up, drink a big glass of water, move around, stretch, run around the block, take a nap - do anything to stop thinking directly about your problem. Instead let your brain take a break and think "for itself." There's a really good chance that the solution will just "pop" into your head by the time you sit yourself back down in front of your screen.

Of course, when you are desperately engaged with your code, it can be hard to muster the discipline to step away. In those situations, it's nice to have someone or something remind you that it's time for a break.

A few days ago, I got a note from Danilo, who said:

"I always read your personal blog, and i find it really interesting and full of useful tips. So today i would like to share an application that really helps my way to code and relax. I do take lots of breaks during coding, and I have found atool that is a perfect reminder to fight my instinct to code continuously for hours without interruptions. It is called WorkPause and you can download it at http://www.praven3.com/workpause."

I downloaded and installed the 30 day free trial and I find that I like it. It's very customizable. So now after 30 minutes of work, my screen locks and a 15 second countdown starts. I can't do anything with my laptop. My immediate reaction is anger.

"Hey! Why can't I type? What's going on?"

Then I remember why this has happened and I sit back, take a deep breath, and wait it out. After the 15 seconds, I can unlock it if I want. Or I can take a real break.

Either way, I am forced to pause. Thanks, Danilo. I am going to buy WorkPause. And I urge all the other developers reading this entry to give it a try. It will save you lots of time and make you feel better, too.

Naming Conventions and Coding Standards, the Feuerstein Way

I am often asked about the naming conventions and coding standards that I use. My answer is usually a combination of muttering and vague statements and hand-waving.

That's because I have a confession: I don't have a single naming conventions and coding standards document that I use. Why not? Because I am a software developer! That is, I feel (well, I am) very busy, overwhelmed by deadlines. I don't feel like I have the time to stop and write down the few rules that I might actually follow more of less consistently. And it seems that a part of me is somewhat resistant to being accountable to a standard. Sound familiar?

Sigh...unfortunately (no, make that very fortunately), lots of other PL/SQL developers look to me for advice about how to "do things right." Ah, the pressure, the pressure!

Ah, the hypocrisy. That's what it really comes down to: I am a big hypocrite. I routinely violate just about every best practice I push on others. I sound high and mighty, but when I write code, I feel the same pull to do the quick and dirty.

So I've decided to take a few moments out of my various plane rides (I am now - when I started this document, anyway - flying from Manchester, UK, to Sweden to do a presentation to the Stockholm OUG, then a couple of days of customer visits in Stockholm and Milan, then two days of training for Oracle in Helsinki) to jot down what have become my de facto coding standards.

You see, I do have standards, and I even follow them, more or less. I just didn't want to take the time to write them down.

So that's what (finally) you'll find here. It's a combination of the naming conventions I follow, certain naming conventions with which I disagree, and a variety of other suggestions. I hope you find it useful. I'm not going to make much of an effort to justify my approach or explain away the inconsistencies. I'll just show you what I do and you can decide for yourself if you'd like to use my path as a model for your own journey.

I also hereby declare this to be a work in progress. So...

1. If you have disagreements with my approach, let me know. Perhaps I will agree with you, and change my document (you will get the credit).

2. If you have a suggestion for something to add to the document, send it to me. If I like it, I will put it into the document (and give you credit).

3. If you would like to offer your own set of naming conventions and coding standards to the world of PL/SQL developers, I will add it to the webpage (after you send it to me).

The URL for my standards document is:

www.ToadWorld.com/SF/standards

Why can't Dick Cheney just sink back into his "undisclosed location"?

How strange. When Dick Cheney was the Vice President and, many argue, the main force behind the Bush Administration's policies, he was largely invisible, holed up in an "undisclosed location" and acting is an un-democractic a fashion as seemed possible.

Then his party loses the election, in large part precisely because his policies had wrecked more than one country in the last eight years, including ours.

You'd think he'd show a little humility in the face of this rejection, but no.

Instead, he seems to have taken it upon himself to hit the airwaves and share his grim, foreboding, scolding, destructive perspectives on the Obama Administration with the world.

Please, Dick, stop being a dick. Just shut up and go back to reaping the many financial rewards of steering billions in government contracts to companies in which you have a stake or some really good friends. Surely that should be enough for the closest thing to a Darth Vadur we have in this country today.

New blog on Quest Code Tester

As you may know, besides writing about and playing with PL/SQL, I have helped create an automated testing tool for PL/SQL code name Quest Code Tester for Oracle. If you have any intention of methodically and repeatedly testing the code you write, Code Tester is without doubt the best option you have for doing this, since it generates almost all of your test code. Click here for more information on the product.

The point of this entry, however, is to make sure you are aware of a new blog at ToadWorld.com focusing specifically on the topic of automated testing of Oracle code named "Real Automated Code Testing for Oracle." Here's the URL:

http://toadworld.com/Community/Blogs/tabid/67/BlogID/32/Default.aspx

I co-author this blog with Finn Ellebaek Nielsen, a Danish consultant who has been working with Oracle technology for a long time and is one of the most knowledgeable and advanced users of Code Tester I have run across to date.

You will find at this blog my introductory entry announcing the blog, plus Finn's first contribution. I hope you like it. Please leave a comment!

Regards, Steven

Advice for dealing with ridiculous interview questions

I received an email last week with this question: "What is the maximum number of triggers that can be defined on a single table?"

My answer was: "Heck if I know. Check the Oracle documentation."

To which he replied: "Actually Oracle documentation does not mention anything about this. But this a favorite question asked during interviews for PL/SQL jobs in India."

A favorite interview question? How absurd! When I interview a person for a job as a PL/SQL developer (which I admit I have not done all that often). I am much more interested in:

Problem solving skills (MOST IMPORTANT): Can you think logically? If you are not well versed in symbolic logic (whether or not you know it as such), then it will be very difficult to solve your programming puzzles, debug your code, and understand other people's code.

Language familiarity (SECOND MOST IMPORTANT): Do you know about and have experience with critical, non-beginner features of the PL/SQL language, such as collections, FORALL, BULK COLLECT, AUTHID, autonomous transactions, etc.?

Awareness of limitations like the maximum number of triggers doesn't play any role in writing high quality code. In fact, one might argue that a brain filled with such arbitrary and irrelevant data is less likely to have a solid grasp of fundamentals and principles.

But if you really want to know the answer, the best way to check/prove the limit on the number of triggers you can define on a table is to test it with code (documentation can always be wrong, but the code is...the code...the "reality" within this particular chunk of cyberspace). Here's a script you can use to do just that:

SET SERVEROUTPUT ON

CREATE TABLE limits_table (n NUMBER)
/

DECLARE
  n   PLS_INTEGER := 1;
BEGIN
  LOOP
     EXECUTE IMMEDIATE 'create or replace trigger limits_table'
                     || n ||
                     ' before insert on limits_table for each row begin null; end;';
     DBMS_OUTPUT.put_line ('Created ' || n || ' triggers!');
     n := n + 1;
  END LOOP;
END;
/

SELECT COUNT ( * )
 FROM user_triggers
WHERE trigger_name LIKE 'LIMITS_TABLE%'
/

BEGIN
  FOR rec IN (SELECT *
                FROM user_triggers
               WHERE trigger_name LIKE 'LIMITS_TABLE%')
  LOOP
     EXECUTE IMMEDIATE 'drop trigger ' || rec.trigger_name;
  END LOOP;
END;
/

The result on Oracle Database 11g Release 1 was interesting: I ran this script while flying from Chicago down to Florida for Collaborate09. I started this script and many minutes later, I had to turn off the laptop since we were landing. By that time, over 5000 triggers had been created on the same table. Maybe I will run this later and let it run overnight, but really what's the point? No one is ever going to create that many triggers on a single table. Perhaps there is a lower, hard limit like 12 on Oracle Database 10g or earlier versions. Why don't you run this script on your database and let me know what you get?

To conclude, I suggest that if your interviewer asks you silly questions like this one, you should answer as follows:

"Why do you think it matters if I know this information? How will it help me be more successful on your team? And how do you know you've even got the right answer? Let's build a script to prove that the answer is right!"

Then whip out your laptop, throw together a script and show what a good problem solver you are. I guarantee you will have a much better shot at your job with this kind of answer.

iPorn - are 100000000 "apps" really what we need now?

A friend of mine recently wrote to me:

"I just spent 2 hours on the phone with Apple to get Outlook to sync calendars with my iPhone (still not done but I hope successful); now that will get you confused and wondering about your sanity for wanting that sexy phone..."

I wrote this response to her (then sensibly chose not to send it - no need to be rude!):

Ooooooh, an IPorn....:-) Sorry, silly "typo" - it does seem to me, though, that Apple products are essentially techporn. So sexy and cool - feeding our narcissism and absorption with superficial applications of technology. And the sleek, minimalist, modernist lines? I am sick of them. Give me some "good, old-fashioned" ornamentation.

I am not really a Luddite, but I have become decidely (or, at least, relatively) low-tech in my view on life. I have a cell phone, but it is just a phone - no camera, no MP3 player. I don't want a PDA, I don't want to stick things into my ears, I don't want to wall myself off from the world around me, escaping into a private space of infinite playlists, twits, and life-as-iPhone-app.

"Wow, I can blow into an iPhone and make it sound like a flute."

That is incredible, don't get me wrong. But really who cares? Or to put it a better way: is this really what we should be caring about these days?

Capitalism is Dead, Long Live the iPhone!

An interview with yours truly

In case you simply can't get enough of Steven Feuerstein (no, I don't generally talk about myself in the third person and definitely never in the royal "we"), I invite you to check out this interview. I had an awful lot of fun answering the questions, and you might be entertained reading them.

Need to parse a delimited string? Use this package!

For several years now, anyone who was interested could download my "demo.zip" file, which consists of some 2000 files that I use in my trainings. This zip contains demonstration scripts, but also some generic utilities, like the parse package, which parsed a delimited string and returned a collection of the individual elements.

I recently enhanced the package to allow me to easily parse lists of lists, and even named lists of lists. Rather than just "bury it" inside the demo.zip, I thought I would tell you about it on my blog and give you a direct link to the code.

My objective is to reduce the possibility that any other PL/SQL developers will ever need or want to take the time to build their own parsing utility. Oracle PL/SQL should, of course, provide such a program for us. Sadly, it does not. Or, rather, it offers DBMS_UTILITY.COMMA_TO_TABLE, which is so eccentric and limited in its functionality that I find it embarrassing.

So....the parse package offers three different overloadings of the string_to_list function:

PACKAGE parse
IS
SUBTYPE maxvarchar2_t IS VARCHAR2 (32767);
TYPE items_tt IS TABLE OF maxvarchar2_t INDEX BY PLS_INTEGER;
TYPE nested_items_tt IS TABLE OF items_tt INDEX BY PLS_INTEGER;
TYPE named_nested_items_tt IS TABLE OF items_tt INDEX BY maxvarchar2_t;

FUNCTION string_to_list (string_in IN VARCHAR2, delim_in IN VARCHAR2)
RETURN items_tt;

FUNCTION string_to_list (string_in IN VARCHAR2
, outer_delim_in IN VARCHAR2
, inner_delim_in IN VARCHAR2
)
RETURN nested_items_tt;

FUNCTION string_to_list (string_in IN VARCHAR2
, outer_delim_in IN VARCHAR2
, name_delim_in IN VARCHAR2
, inner_delim_in IN VARCHAR2
)
RETURN named_nested_items_tt;
END parse;

Here are examples of using each one:

DECLARE
l_list parse.items_tt;
BEGIN
l_list := parse.string_to_list ('a,b,c,d', ',');
END;

DECLARE
l_list parse.nested_items_tt;
BEGIN
l_list := parse.string_to_list ('a,b,c,d|1,2,3,4', '|', ',');
END;

DECLARE
l_list parse.named_nested_items_tt;
BEGIN
l_list := parse.string_to_list ('letters:a,b,c,d|numbers:1,2,3,4', '|', ':', ',');
END;

The package also contains helper programs to display the contents of lists and compare collection records for equality. This latter function is utilized by Quest Code Tester to automatically test the package. The zip file contains a Code Tester export file (.qut) that you can import into Code Tester 1.8.3 or higher and verify the behavior of these programs. Currently, 1.8.3 is in beta and you can download it here.

I hope you find them useful! If, of course, you find a bug, please let me know so I can fix it. Even better, add the test case that reproduces the bug to the Code Tester test definition, then fix it yourself and send me all of the modified files.

That would be a really friendly thing to do. :-)

What a strange life I lead

I am flying back to Chicago after a week in Europe (more or less). Monday and Tuesday in Istanbul, teaching a two-day course for Oracle. Zurich on Wednesday, Munich on Thursday, Frankfurt on Friday - presenting "Guaranteeing Application Success with the Toad Development Suite" for Quest Software, my employer.

So I am in seat 31B of an American Airlines 777. That means it is an exit row coach seat with a big open space in front of me. Even better, 31A is empty, so I have "spread out", my laptop is plugged into the power outlet, and I am very pleased with myself.

What? Pleased? Having to sit in an enormous metal cylinder hurtling through the air at 542 miles per hour?

Yes. I just realized that I am actually enjoying myself, because I am getting a lot of work done. Specifically, I am editing chapters for the fifth edition of Oracle PL/SQL Programming (available in September 2009, covering all features of Oracle PL/SQL through Oracle Database 11g Release 2). Earlier, I fixed several bugs in Quest Code Tester, revamped my Best of PL/SQL course materials in advance of my two day training on this topic in Salt Lake City next week.

On an eight hour flight back to Chicago, I probably manage to get about 5-6 hours of work accomplished. I am actually more productive on the plane than I am in my own home office. Why? Fewer distractions - most notably, I cannot check my email. So I can't respond to my emails. I can't go online and play my games of chess (at GameKnot.com, a really wonderful site if you happen to enjoy chess).

Given how much I travel on American Airlines (over 230,000 miles in the last two years), I can get upgrades pretty much whenever I want. But I also realized recently that as long as I can get one of these row 31 aisle seats (31B or 31H), I'd rather not upgrade. If I do, I am fed more often, it takes longer to eat, and I am more tempted to drink alcohol. I get less done and in no more comfortable an environment.

This is what my life has come to.

Well, I suppose it could be worse. :-)

A chat with some of my favorite people: the makers of PL/SQL

On Tuesday this past week (March 24), I had the honor of spending some time at Oracle headquarters with two guys from the PL/SQL Team -- Charles Wetherell, the brains behind the optimizing compiler, and my long-time sparring partner Bryn Llewellyn, the public face of the team. I make the pilgrimage to HQ every year or so to share PL/SQL stories, meeting different team members each time.

I talk about what I am doing with PL/SQL and what I see out there in the big world of PL/SQL developers. They talk about what they are doing with the language, and where they see it going. They usually even pretend to give consideration to my viewpoints! Aw, just joking. They are most respectful.

Now that Oracle Database 11g Release 2 is well into its Beta Program, most of the developers at Oracle HQ are hard at work on the end-game activities -- while some are already starting to plan the content of the next major release. It was great to have the chance to talk, strictly off the record, with Charles and Bryn about their ideas for the next big steps in PL/SQL, and to put forward some of mine.

And while I cannot go into any details, I can tell you that it is very clear that Oracle remains committed to supporting and enhancing the PL/SQL language in very substantial and, in at least one case, for me, quite surprising, ways.

I can also report that the team generally pays attention to input from their users (PL/SQL developers). Not only that, but the ideas proposed and voted on at ILovePLSQLAnd.net are treated with the utmost consideration. So please, please, please....if you have not yet visited this website, please do immediately and vote on the PL/SQL enhancements you feel would benefit you the most. When Oracle Database 11g Release 2 becomes generally available, I will update the list on ILovePLSQLAnd.net to show what has been implemented.

And, as always after a meeting with my friends on the PL/SQL team, I am reminded of two things:

1. How glad I am that we have people of their caliber (real computer scientists) planning out and implementing changes to PL/SQL - and not people of my caliber (that is, largely self-trained and quite amateurish by comparison).

2. That for many years to come, PL/SQL will continue to be a truly fine language in which to write software and implement business requirements.

So, happy coding, my fellow PL/SQL developers! Rest assured; our future selves will be more productive and ever more pleased with the language with which we spend so much of our time.

Random reactions to Consumer Reports' Auto Issue

The mouths of real men don't water when they hear that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is going to hit the newstands. That's adolescent stuff.

No, real men get all excited when they hear that Consumer Reports is about to publish its latest Auto Issue.

Consumers Union (publisher of Consumer Reports, consumerreports.org and many other invaluable resources) is an amazing organization. They exist for one reason only: to provide unbiased information to consumers to help them buy the highest quality, safest, most reliable product that best fits our needs. CU accepts no money from corporations, and certainly nothing from the companies that create the products CU evaluates. CU has no axe to grind, no reason to do anything but totally objectively test and analyze stuff, to help consumers get the best deal (not necessarily the lowest price).

Companies are even barred from using CU results in their own advertisements (usages like "Look, CU says our car is the best!" are quickly challenged in court - and won).

The Auto Issue offers detailed evaluations of hundreds of cars, both new and used. It is a must-read for anyone planning to buy a vehicle (not that there's much of that going on these days). I definitely do not plan to buy a new car. I hope to never again have to buy another car again, in my lifetime. At least not one that uses gasoline. But it is still fun to read.

Here are some things that caught my eye:

• First the cover: at first glance, it looks like many other magazine covers. Lots of bright colors, very nicely laid out, etc. But there is something really different about it: right on the cover, next to the titles of articles and sections in the magazine, are the page numbers on which those articles appear! Page numbers? Radical! Usually, magazines hide page numbers so you have to leaf through the magazine to find the article of interest, coming across ads in the process. Since Consumer Reports has no ads, there is no reason to do that.
• On page 15, CR offers "Automaker report cards", overall scores of brands (Honda, GM, Hyundai, etc.), rather than particular models. Honda is #1 with a score of 78. 95% of the vehicles tested are recommended by CR. Incredible. Second is Subaru, with a slightly lower score but 100% recommendations (disclosure: we are a Subaru family; my wife loves the all-wheel drive). Toyota is third. Out of the 45 brands shown on the page, four of the last (lowest scores) five brands are Ford, GM and Chrysler, in that order. And, horribly, CR could not recommend even a single Chrysler model. That is just downright embarrassing.
• Oddly, the cover shows a Honda Fit as the "top value" for 2009, but in its "Top Picks" section, the Fit does not appear. CR must have some very interesting algorithms for making its choices.

So the bottom line is that if you are thinking of purchasing a car, you would be downright nuts to not consult the Auto Issue first.

Best thing to do is subscribe online: just $26 a year gives you full online, searchable access to all of CR's information. You will recoup that small investment many times over, both in terms of money and value for you and your family.

One final comment: I believe that CU has the potential to radically transform the distribution of power in our capitalist society. Today, corporations push products at us, convincing us to buy their stuff mostly through manipulation (ads), coercion (high pressure sales) and ignorance (most Americans are poorly educated, non-critical thinkers). With CU, you can ignore the ads and focus solely on the data; at a minimum, you can use CU to avoid purchasing unsafe, nasty, poorly-designed products.

I strongly urge you to join CU today, and help make it more effective, able to test more products and take more action to protect consumers. It will be the best investment you make in 2009. I guarantee it.

Hard to blog through sadness....

It's been a long time since my last blog. A big part of my noted absence (ha!) from the blogosphere is that we are busily freezing code for release 1.8.3 of Quest Code Tester, plus I am building a thorough automated regression test for this tool. Wow, that takes a lot of time, even when I use Code Tester to help me test....Code Tester.

I wish, though, that that's all it was.

Instead, I have had a hard time returning to my blog because on February 2, a 23-year old friend of my son, who we have known since he was six, committed suicide by jumping from the top of his apartment building.

His suicide hit me hard, not only because I knew Jeff when he was little (we hadn't actually seen him for more than a few passing words and minutes for the last several years) and because his father was a good friend of ours. But also because it has been hard for my mind to not stray into thinking what it would have been like if Eli (same age, many similar general life circumstances)....

And then my mind shuts down in pain and horror, and I move away from those thoughts, leaving just emptiness, sadness, and little motivation to gush about the bright corners of the world.

Scrabble Oddities

Veva and I have been playing Scrabble nightly for a while, and tonite I was quite amazed at the pattern of my tiles. Of course, every game is unique and it is not uncommon for some strange coincidence to happen (for example, two night ago to choose who goes first, Veva chose a Q. "Wouldn't it be funny if you picked a U?" she said. I shook the bag, stuck in my hand, grabbed a tile, and announced without looking at the tile "A U!" and it was). But this was one remarkable game.

Here are my letters through all but the last few turns (? is a blank):

KGIEAOE

EEEOOOA

EEEAAAO

SEEAAIO

SSEAAOI

SYAAOOI

NEEOOAI

NPAAIOO

EEOAAI?

VEEAIO?

EEUUOI?

Out of all the consonants with more than one point, Veva had:

QXZJHHVYPWWDDDCBB

And I had

KGYPVCD

What an unbalanced game!

Oh and four nights ago, she picked an X to choose who goes first...and I chose a Y!

What are the odds of any of this happening? I find that actually to be a silly question. There are no odds. It's just stuff that happens.

Ah the blatant cynicism of Israeli leadership

Check out this article (text at end of this post in case the article disappears):

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090122/ts_nm/us_palestinians_israel_swap_1

I find it somewhat astonishing....here's what struck me:

** One of the main justifications that Hamas used to resume its rocket attacks is that Israel violated the truce the whole way through by not relaxing the blockade and allowing Gazans economic freedom and growth so they could live normal lives.

** One of the main aims of the latest awful attack on Gaza was to decimate Hamas leadership.

** Then Israel unilaterally calls an end to its hostilities, clearly driven by the desire to not have an active war going on as Obama is inaugurated. Plus its attacks on civilians, civilian infrastructure and THE UNITED NATIONS became so blatant and revolting that even Israel could not withstand the international condemnation.

** Now they refuse to relax the blockade for anything but minimal flow of humanitarian aid (all agencies complain that they cannot get what is needed into the strip) until Shalit is released!

** And it looks like they are agreeing to release 450 "senior militants" of Hamas, previously they had balked at this.

So...they find yet other ways to continue to collectively punish all Palestinians in Gaza, which strengthens Hamas and weakens Abbas. And they will now send back into Gaza a previous generation of leadership of Hamas, that will now step forth and become the NEW generation of leaders.

Isn't this just insane? Is there any reason to really honestly believe that the Israeli government and military is interested in anything but keeping this conflict going?

After spending years (from 2001 to 2007) working obsessively on this issue (Not In My Name, Junity, Refuser Solidarity Network), I have come to the following conclusion:

If you want to try to predict what will happen next in the Israeli-Palestinian crisis, then just imagine the worst possible scenario. That is almost certainly what will unfold. So here is my prediction:

Israel wants to make life so horrible for Palestinians in the Gaza Strip (effective imprisonment through military blockade and deprivation of 1.5 million people) and West Bank (effective imprisonment through the "Security Wall" and endless stealing of their land through "settlement" expansion) that some small, but growing number of Israeli Palestinian citizens will choose (feel driven to) violence (suicide bombings) to protest.

Then Israeli Jews can claim that they tried everything, but even their own fellow citizens who are Arabs will not let them live in peace. And then the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians from within the current boundaries of Israel may commence - thereby ensuring the "Jewish democratic majority" (ah, the oxymoronsn!) of Israel.

Well, I sure am ranting today, so I will finish it off with this:

I believe that the greatest existential threat to the State of Israel comes from the Ameerican Jewish community, whose leaders and organized constituents treat Israel as a kind of Golden Calf, idolizing it and serving as apologists for it, no matter how awful its actions.

And this blind support for Israel will allow it to dig itself into a deeper and deeper hole, until it becomes a true pariah state. Hey, but at least it will be "Jewish."

TEXT OF YAHOO ARTICLE

After Gaza war, Israel sees Hamas prisoner swap

By Dan Williams

JERUSALEM (Reuters) After battering Hamas in the Gaza Strip, Israel now hopes to push through a prisoner swap to retrieve a soldier held by the Palestinians since 2006, Israeli officials said Thursday.

They said Israel was conditioning any lifting of its Gaza blockade on immediate progress in Egyptian efforts to free Gilad Shalit, and would be willing to relax its objections to a list of Palestinian prisoners which Hamas wants released in exchange.

The Islamists demand amnesty for 1,400 inmates, including 450 senior militants. Israel long balked over the latter group, saying their release would sap Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas's peace strategies by bolstering rival hardliners.

But after its 22-day offensive against the Hamas administration in Gaza, Israel appears to be more flexible.

"There is a sense that we can afford to relax our criteria on the prisoner release, as any benefit to Hamas would be more than offset by the damage it sustained in Gaza," said one Israeli security official.

The official said Prime Minister Ehud Olmert wanted to clinch a deal before he is replaced in a February 10 election, though it was not clear whether the Israeli security cabinet could approve all of the names on the Hamas release roster.

Addressing reporters Thursday, Olmert said: "I believe that the military operation in Gaza created levers that can help in speeding the return of Gilad Shalit ... I will not elaborate."

Security cabinet minister Binyamin Ben-Eliezer told Israel's Army Radio that new discussions on a possible prisoner swap had not yet taken place. He added: "I am among those who would be willing to pay the highest price for Gilad's return."

EGYPTIAN MEDIATION

A top Israeli defense official, Amos Gilad, travelled to Cairo Thursday to discuss ways of consolidating a January 18 truce which ended the Gaza offensive. Security sources said Gilad would raise Shalit in his talks with the Egyptians.

The Gaza offensive killed 1,300 Palestinians, many of them civilians, and wrecked the impoverished strip's infrastructure.

Western powers have since called for Gaza's borders with Israel and Egypt to be more open, while supporting Israel's demand that Palestinian cross-border rocket salvoes cease and that Hamas arms-smuggling from the Egyptian Sinai be choked off.

Israel stepped up the crippling Gaza embargo after Hamas, which won a 2006 Palestinian election, seized control of the territory in a brief war with Abbas's forces the following year.

The Israelis rule out restoring normal operations at Gaza's border crossings unless there is a deal on Shalit, an army conscript seized by Hamas-led gunmen in a June 2006 border raid.

"I'll tell you this here, in plain Hebrew: apart from (the passage of) humanitarian goods, there will be no crossings (opened) without Gilad Shalit," Ben-Eliezer said.

(Additional reporting by Nidal al-Mughrabi; editing by Andrew Roche)

Entering the new year with a bang

First, happy new year to all my readers (no matter how few you may be). I hope the holidays were good to you.

As you no doubt are aware, Israel has once again attacked with missiles, bombs, artillery, tanks and ground troops one of the most densely populated areas in the world: the Gaza Strip.

Ostensibly, this was done to stop the rocket attacks from Gaza. Only the most apologistic of Israel's supporters really believe this. These attacks have been going on sporadically for years, with very few casualties (though every single death is awful and anyone authorizing the firing of those rockets against civilian targets should be considered a war criminal and brought to the Hague for a trial).

Now with Israel's latest application of the fifth most powerful military force in the world, not only have over 100 Palestinian women and children been killed, but more Israels have been killed in the last ten days than in the several years previous.

And does anyone really think this will stop the rocket attacks? I don't think there is a chance of that happening as long as Israel continues to treat Gaza as the world's largest open air prison, controlling (and greatly restricting) access to food, medical supplies, energy, etc.

Anyway, most seasoned observers think this invasion has more to do with upcoming Israeli elections, and the need for Labor (whose head is now the Minister of Defense - Ehud Barak, who is in my mind another war criminal who should be sent to the Hague) to show that it can be as tough on the Palestinians as the most right-wing Likudnik.

I am sure that is at least partly true. I believe, however, that the invasion and destruction of Gaza is first and foremost intended as a message for incoming President Obama. Israel (its civilian and military leaders, in any case) is showing that it controls events when it comes its own sphere of dominance. It is saying to Obama "We decide what happens around here, not you."

It is, really, quite a big and obnoxious "f#%k you" from Israel to Obama.

Think about it. With this invasion, Israel has forced a change in the agenda for the incoming President. Obama must (and intended to) focus on the economy and spend political capital immediately to get a recovery plan in place (one that helps more than financiers).

Yet now he must address the violence in Gaza, and what will he do? Is he going to do or say anything that is critical of Israel, thereby risking a firestorm of criticism in his first days in office? The Israel apologists will go ballistic: "See, we told you! He is no friend of Israel." No way. He is going to eat it, all of it. He is going to acquiesce to Israel's terrible and terrifying destruction and killing of innocents. He will join the chorus blaming Hamas entirely. And in doing so, he will send a clear message to the Arab world: expect nothing different from me when it comes to Israel.

Leaving Israel (its screwed-up, "kill now and kill later" leadership, in any case) to go further down the path to stoking flames of hatred, ensuring war, and diminishing its chances of survival as a Jewish state.

Poor Israel. Just when it most needs a real friend, it will force that potential friend to become merely another servant to the cause of Jewish extremists.

Time to celebrate!

Yesterday was a very important day of celebration for me.

It marked the last day of 2008 that I will enter or leave O'Hare Airport.

According to American Airlines, I traveled 128,053 miles on their jet planes this year.

Terrible way to spend a life. Well, of course, it could be much worse. I have little about which I could complain in my life. Except for being away from family, friends and home.

Now, however, I am home. It is freezing cold outside my home, but warm inside. I am happy and content.

I will not, should not have to return to O'Hare until January 12 -- and that will be for a trip to Puerto Rico.

Not so awful, I suppose....

A whole class of truly stupid television commercials

You've heard of HDTV, right? High definition television. It promises brighter colors, crisper sound, blah, blah, blah. All right, so say it is all true. How do you convince people that they should buy a HDTV (besides lobbying our elected representatives to pass a law mandating a switch to digital signals and a required switch in equipment)?

By showing them just how wonderful HDTV will be.

And how do the TV manufacturers do that? You (Sony, Panasonic, LG, etc.) buy time to run ads promoting your incredible products.

So here I am, sitting on my couch, watching ads in order to get back to the Daily Show or the Colbert Report (the only regularly scheduled TV I watch). And on comes an ad for HDTV.

The ad features lots of bright colors and vigorous motion and loud sounds.

"Wow!" I guess I am supposed to exclaim to my wife. "Isn't that HD great? I sure wish I had a TV that could show me those bright colors and let me hear all those incredible sounds...."

And then since my wife is not a guy and therefore not easily captivated by gadgets, she might say back to me:

"Dummy! You like those colors and sounds? Well, you're watching all that on your own television, right now."

Hmmm. I am suspicious. Is she playing a trick on me? My Primitive Man Brain wants a new shiny skinny high-def TV. But my Rational Man Brain has a hard time arguing with her logic.

And don't you, too? Isn't it a bit ridiculous for companies to promote the radically new and better resolution of an HDTV on a non-HD TV by showing how much better it will be?

A very odd job

Have you heard of World of Warcraft? It is a "massively multiplayer online role-playing game" (ahem, MMORPG) played over the Internet simultaneously by millions of people. The more you play, the more powers and weapons and so forth you accumulate (assuming you are not entirely incompetent). But what if you don't have enough time to do that? Wouldn't it be "great" (assuming you find anything about losing yourself in videogames to be "great") if you could simply buy these powers and weapons?

The maker of the World of Warcraft does not allow you to do this, so of course a "black market" arose to fill the need. Here's the quote from Wired magazine about this:

"Internet Gaming Entertainment, or IGE, made hundreds of millions of dollars as middleman for Western gamers eager to outsource the boring aspects of play to low-wage third worlders. The people who founded the company realized that scarcity of time and scarcity of virtual resources created a whole new market."

and....

"Despite the game companies' widespread prohibition of such transactions, their number has grown to support an estimated $2 billion annual trade, a half dozen multimillion-dollar online retail businesses, and an enormous Chinese workforce earning 30 cents an hour playing MMOs and harvesting treasure to supply the major retailers."

Now that is a very odd job: sitting around and playing videogames specifically to accumulate "treasure" that can then be sold to people who are able to attach a greater value to their lives than the "enormous Chinese workforce."

We live in a very strange world. For the full article:

http://www.wired.com/gaming/virtualworlds/magazine/16-12/ff_ige