Gingrich the Historian: Bring Back Child Labor!

"It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in, first of all, child laws, which are truly stupid," said the former House speaker Friday at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard. "Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school. The kids would actually do work, they would have cash, they would have pride in the schools, they'd begin the process of rising."

Newt Gingrich considers himself to be a "historian," which dictionary.com says means "an expert in history; authority on history." And history is, in turn, "the branch of knowledge dealing with past events."

Perhaps Gingrich really is an expert on past events, in that he knows that they happened, and even perhaps what happened. For example, he is likely aware of the horrific abuse of children in the past, before there were "truly stupid" laws governing how and when children could work. He is probably not so aware of widespread problems today of child slavery and abuse - 'cause it's not in the past and he is a historian.

But he also seems to be a blithering idiot. How else to explain his belief that you could pay some really poor children in a school to clean up after the other, better-off children, and that this would be a good thing (instill a work ethic, and so forth)? Was he ever a child? Perhaps his grasp of personal history is terribly weak. Children can be incredibly cruel beings.

How long would it take before some evil bullies started taking dumps right on the floors in the bathroom stalls? Or deliberately eating and then puking up lots of disgusting stuff? The children who took these jobs would become laughingstocks of the entire school, objects of scorn and abuse.

But, OK, suppose that wasn't the case. Suppose that all the children in the school are really nice to each other, and would never think of doing such awful things to one another?

Presumably the school has more than a handful of really poor children, anxious to put the janitor father of some other children out of work (thereby sending the whole family into poverty) so that they can work their way out of laziness and someday become a grown-up janitor (but not at a school).

Which of these deserving and desperate children get the jobs? How do you choose? Or perhaps you rotate the honor, so that the income (surely well below minimum wage, that job killer, right, Newt?) and lessons are spread across many young minds and bodies? But then the lesson will be diluted. They might only be able to pull themselves up by a quarter of a bootstrap, which might not be enough in the 21st century.

And so on.

We all had a great laugh at Herman Cain's expense when he couldn't come up with an answer to how he felt about Obama's actions in Libya. And that was pretty funny (and awful, too, when you consider that this man claims to want us to take him seriously as a possible finger on the button of nuclear destruction). 

But why isn't Gingrich being similarly mocked and taken to task? He is supposed to be some sort of deep intellectual, fully informed about past events, ready to take on the future. And this is the best he can do? Offer up some half-assed, incredibly destructive, completely un-thought-out call to return to a past in which children were routinely abused and taken advantage of in order to increase profit margins?

Shame on you, Newt Gingrich. 

My First Song for Loey

Loey is a busy, active little baby. Eating very well, but in between feedings she is a wiggly little package. A few nights ago, I was holding her but she couldn't find a comfortable position. So I got up and walked around with her, bouncing her gently, and she quieted  down right away.

I Like to Move Around, Grandpa

by Steven Feuerstein, copyright 2011

I don't like to sit around in one place.

I like to move around, Grandpa.

Hoist me on your shoulder,

Bounce me on your legs.

I don't like to sit around, Grandpa.

Rock me in your arms,

Rub my belly on your head.

I like to move around, Grandpa.

Move around, move around, 

Move around, move around, 

I like to move around, Grandpa.

Swing me slowly side to side,

Rest me on your shoulder.

I don't like to sit around, Grandpa.

Hang me facing down,

Across your long arms.

I like to move around, Grandpa.

Move around, move around, 

Move around, move around, 

I like to move around, Grandpa.

Later, much later, I can move on my own.

I like to move around, Grandpa.

But now I'm too little and I can't walk.

So you've got to move me 'round, Grandpa.

Move around, move around, 

Move around, move around, 

I like to move around, Grandpa.

"God Told Me to Do It"

Such a statement made by, say, a murderer would be a strong indication of mental illness.

So what does it say about a Republican candidate for President of the United States?

Like Herman Cain, who said in a speech today to a national meeting of young Republicans:

"That's when I prayed and prayed and prayed. I'm a man of faith — I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I've ever done before in my life. And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. 'You've got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?'"

We are left to assume, I suppose, that God, that all-powerful, omniscient being responded in an appropriately deep, manly tone: "YES, HERMAN CAIN, I AM SURE."

As opposed to another completely reasonable reaction, which would be to blast Herman Cain with a bolt of lightning, frying him to a black crisp for doubting the word of the Lord. 

Or maybe he just prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed....

for sooooooooooooooooooooo long that he started hallucinating from dehydration and/or hunger.

Any way you look at it (bad judgement, delusions or arrogance), this man should be kept far away from the White House.